I went to go visit my other therapist who gives me the medicine and that and she's really smart but...
I believe she was wrong.Despite being a therapist she is...ignorant.She goes by the truth alot more than feelings I get it really but.To sum it up....
She said that i shouldn't have stopped taking the medicine and if I ..didn't take the medicine I would become what...what......I was before.Now I took great offense to that and she continued as she grabbed a paper and said
"You want me to remind you how that was"
No I said..TWICE..but she read it anyways.
Each word becoming nothing but a shatter...Why did I stop taking the medicine...I felt fake.I felt wrong.I wasn't feeling any better.It made me feel worse of who I wanted to be but the medicine got in the way..of my real feelings.It helped me I'm not gonna lie but......I wanted to be me for ONCE in my life time.I thought she would be proud of how much I progressed without it..but that traitor had to call me out.Of course...It kept me up at night but soon I got over it.And if I do become the monster I once was..well I still am.I didn't have the audacity tell her this but at least you guys will hear me out...The pain,the anxiety,repulsiveness,anger,frustration,......It's still there even with the medicine...I just know how to cope with it.I don't kill my monsters I feed them because.....We're humans..we have emotions and if people think that's wrong they're not alive.We act the way we do for a reason and sometimes we're not MEANT to find out that reason.
If you kill your bully...what would you have learned our monsters inside make us learn something so that one day we can teach others.They are not our enemies but our way to test patience.Like god test's us so do they and if we LIVE after all that horrifying indescribable pain....Then look at yourself..tell yourself you don't wanna change your past..because you're a motherfucking smartass now because of what happened.
Be strong,Tame do not Kill,and live the way YOU WANT.